The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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