I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
