So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I need to calm my uterus...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
