got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize