they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
