last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
