I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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