If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
