I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
