even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
