ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
