you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize