I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
