Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
