is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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