Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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