I puked a lego.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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