Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
