end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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