whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
