I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize