Pants 0. Shit 1.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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