put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
