it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
