I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I think i got beer on your cat.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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