if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
