I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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