i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize