so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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