i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
