I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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