she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
