Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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