This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
either way he was missing a nipple.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
