I think I am morally bankrupt
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
