lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
