but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
