my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
