Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
