Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
