I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
