No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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