You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
