i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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