So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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