I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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