I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
