Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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