Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize