Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
