Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
