Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
