Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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