Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
