This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
