I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I fill condoms, not promises.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
