he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
