I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
