Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Semen is not good for contacts.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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