Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
