can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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