That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
from now on my penis is your penis
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
