So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
