I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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