Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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