tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
