Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
