dude i'm inner monologue high
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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