I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
