Quick, to the slutcave!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
