She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
